Might need to have a tech come out, or switch to Comcast.
I first became aware of PMA, or positive mental attitude, through Bad Brains. They’ve got it. I’ve always tried to have it – it’s much more pleasant for everyone when I’m in a positive state of mind. And with that in mind, I’m going to do some assessments of things using PMA as a guide.
First up, my job.
All that said, I might need to make a change this year. I’m not super excited about it, but if I do, here’s what I’m excited about (PMA perspective):
That’s it. Lots of people would hate my job, but I actually like it. It’s a pretty solid match for my skills and temperament, and I think it would be interesting to do something similar at a different company. Should be an interesting year.
Well, it sounds good, anyhow. My primary focus this year will be on setting up for the future. I feel like we’ve been forced to react to things a lot in the past year, starting with a broken knee cap at the end of 2014. There was a compounding effect, and while it seems like I’m prone to whine these days, it was not the easiest year by a long shot.
In reality, there is room for a bit of a shift in perspective. My plan for this year is to move forward in a more positive manner. I bemoaned a lot of what was happening this past year, but we’re through the woods on a lot of it, and while we leave 2015 with a significant loss, we have the prospect of some significant positives in the coming year.
It’ll all start with a donation to a benevolent fund for animals in Jennie’s mom’s name, which she would have loved. She will help some animals even now. If things go as we expect, we’ll be able to shore up some of the remaining trouble spots in our house as well We like the place, but new siding or paint should make a big difference.
We’re in a purge cycle with regards to junk we’ve carried from house to house. And now we’re tasked with clearing out another house which has at least 2 houses worth of stuff packed into it. It’s daunting at the moment, but each time we dig through, we find more useful stuff or memories.
Eli kicked off his return to kindergarten with his BB-8 robot at show-and-tell. He got to show how he can make it move in any direction, say things, light up different colors – and he was in his glory. The first half of his first year of kindergarten has been a serious success and we expect more of the same as he finishes up and then moves into 1st grade. He’s in ninja training classes with Connor and might get into soccer or legitimate music classes this year as well.
I ended the year by losing 5 pounds. We’re all going to put more attention toward getting more healthy, and my take in that is “aggressive weight management” as required by my new doctor. I’d like to finally get under 200 pounds for the first time since my 20s. I need to burn fat and gain muscle. The yard should provide some earthy exercise this year.
Philosophically, there’s only so much I can do in a day. Work is a challenge, but I need to contain that to a reasonable work day. I’ll need to focus more and get more done, but I’ll probably also need to find a new career sometime this year.
At home, we need to walk Jolene, start some kind of routine at the YMCA, eat better food together at the table, and sleep better. I work better with a routine, or boundaries, so it’ll be pretty imperative to establish those early.
It’s been a while since I last posted an update. It’s partially laziness, partially forgetfulness, and partially because there’s been a ton happening.
Most significantly, Jennie’s mom died. This was something we were aware could happen at any time due to her numerous, chronic medical conditions. It was a daunting list, and despite semi-regular visits to the ICU, she was able to circumnavigate the crises and emerge.
In this case, she had most recently gone through a round of cancer treatments, and even thought she might start decreasing her pain meds. I visited her earlier that week and she seemed more lucid than she had just a week prior. Jennie visited later that week and got the same impression. She seemed better to both of us.
The reality of the situation is that she probably was not better. During my visit, she made a point of thanking me for all I had done, and letting me know that she appreciated all that Jennie had done for her as well. In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t do all that much. Jennie did sacrifice a bit, and we did augment our lives a little to fit her in when she needed us.
That said, she really lived by her own terms. We had very little actual impact on her decision-making, which makes her thanks pretty important in retrospect. It’s possible that she was aware of what was coming, and how soon, and she was doing some final accounting. She had lots and lots of friends who had weathered many storms with her, but I don’t know how much she was able to (or felt compelled to) thank them. She did let us know, unreservedly, that she appreciated us.
When my grandma was near her own end, her way of controlling the circumstance was to write out exactly how she wanted her memorial service and the subsequent dinner to go. She had the meals planned based on the time of year. I think Jackie didn’t want to risk leaving without saying thanks, and this was her method of preparation.
So, now we’re tasked with unwinding 70 years of avante garde living by a capable, kind, wacky, and utterly unique person. It’s a bit daunting, but we’ll muddle through with the help of a cavalcade of her lawyer friends (one of them let us know that the bankruptcy court in Rockford was shaken by the news) and our own inside woman at the bank.
I suspect as we get farther and farther from that very sad day and start to get accounts closed and items dispersed, that it’ll be less and less sad. I’m hoping we can start to focus on the fun stuff. The genuine, hearty laughs we had on so many Sundays at dinner. The way Eli would lose his mind when her car would roll into our old driveway. The way she could get Jennie to understand something without saying a word.
She definitely lived life on her own terms and it’s hard to imagine her not here. The loss will be apparent for the foreseeable future, but I cannot believe she’d want us to be sad. Especially Jennie.
For posterity, here’s the speed test I ran on our 24MB down/1MB up DSL service from Frontier. Test was done minutes ago, before 8 AM on a Saturday morning (not peak traffic time).
Trouble is, I’m paying less, but I’m getting even less than I’m paying for in this case. And even though Frontier has outstanding customer service, I might have to break away and see what Comcast can offer to win my business.
We made our big move this year to be closer to friends, to be in a more accessible town, but mostly to get Eli started in a new school in a place we knew he’d thrive. Sycamore school district has a pretty good reputation, and we were pretty lucky to find a house just down the street from a well-regarded grade school there.
This morning was his first official start of a full day in Kindergarten. He was frenetic, a combination of nerves and excitement, and stalled a bit on his way there. Once inside, though, he quieted down and started taking in what was happening. It reminded me of the first time we rode the train at Blackberry Farm. I thought he was terrified, but in reality, he was just absorbing the experience. And he was hooked. We rode that train hundreds of times after that, and I’m sure school will be as exciting as the YMCA camp, or Goddard School before it.
Like me, he craves new information and experiences, even if they’re sometimes daunting. I hope he comes to understand this part of his personality and tries lots of things. I have learned that sometimes it’s not even the experience itself that’s the most fulfilling part, but rather the challenge of getting past the nerves, learning the parameters, and operating in a whole new environment.
His Kindergarten teacher seems fantastic. There are only 20 kids in his class, which seems perfect. His friend from our neighborhood is in the class next door, so they’ll see each other at recess, probably, and they can compare notes.
I think the first experience with dropping him off a few years ago at Goddard School got us prepared for today. I was trying to act as I would have any other day and not coddle him (give credence to the nerves) but I was feeling it.
He should be finishing up lunch right now. I can’t wait to get home and find out how it went.
It’s not that I can’t multitask – I can. If it gets too hairy, I actually write down all of the elements currently brewing so that nothing slips through the cracks. But this week is getting away from me. And the exclamation point is the fact that both Eli’s birthday and his last weekend before entering the public school system officially are upon us.
Balance is the key to most things. One way to balance is to split into so many slices that it’s nearly impossible for any one to have a greater weight. That method is untenable for extended time. Certainly not more than a week, and that’s what’s happening currently.
As ever, this too shall pass, but I don’t want to let important things slip – like Eli’s concerns about a new school. I want him to go in with confidence and excitement, but he definitely plays off of our emotions. So, the best thing for everyone is for me to get a grip and be the rock. Get ahead of the work that needs to be done. Add some levity. No big deal…
It’s hard to believe football season is nigh upon us. I’ve already seen estimates of a 3-13 season from the Bears, so my hopes are pretty low. Perhaps they’ll tank and move up in the draft and find the successor they’ve needed for a while.
Even harder to believe is that Eli will be going into kindergarten in a few weeks. He’ll turn five at just the same time, and while we’ve been told by almost everyone that it’s probably better to hold off on sending him, we think he’s ready. He’s a head taller than some kids his age, his communication skills rival some adults I know (he’s really only hampered by a lack of worldly experience – dude can talk his way out of anything), but his emotional stability is lagging a little. I think it’s easy to see why.
Both his mother and I are worriers. He likely has the genes to foster worrying, but then there’s us bolstering it. Other kids seem to be able to face adversity and be upset, but then move on, but Eli has a pretty sharp focus that will not relent. On the other hand, we’ve heard from other parents that this is not atypical for the age, but I worry that maybe they’re exaggerating to make me feel better.
See? The kid is working out of a deficit.
Overall, he’s a very adaptable kid. So, if the rest of his class is tying their shoes or counting to 100, it won’t be long before he can also do that. I get the impression that the obstinate child we encounter doesn’t make an appearance in school, or places where we aren’t. I hope that’s the case. Typically, he’s excited about these new experiences.
He’s already said that he plans to meet lots of new friends at his new school, and I’m glad that’s his focus. When we registered him for school, the stated goal of his new class was “to make new friends” which sounds like kismet.
We’re worried, but excited to have landed in the house and the town we did. Lots of friends, lots of support, and plenty to do any given day make it a joy. The school and new principal seem perfect for us, and I have high hopes that Eli will start his ascent through his education on a strong note.
Thank goodness, really, because a 3-13 season is going to require some distraction.